Campaign for justice
Why I will not start a new family in the UK
When the Nightmare Came
After years in the wilderness, stand by for the big change
Regime Change Coming...
After the ten year-long ordeal of abuse, followed by ten years post divorce and the battle with alcohol and the CMS that made my story the most harrowing in family history, the prospect of relief was held up in the closing statement of my book; �When the Nightmare Came� which was finally published this week. The arrival of Michelle to replace the chaos of recent years has prompted me to shorten the odds on a new chapter of family history � and at my present age, that is as much a statement of intent as it is a statement of character.
I can now confirm that the visit to Johannesburg will finally be happening in the coming weeks, once my work and residence permits for the next academic year are issued and I finally have back my passport. This will represent a big turnaround for both of us and have repercussions for the wider family. It will also block the �Tory Run State� from interfering in the plans. The shift will allow both of us to finally move on after the devastating abuse which has blighted both our lives for so many years.
It is never safe to assume that a man�s days to father children are over until at least the end of his 50�s. I�m not there yet; and the desire to do so never really want away...
But the changes will also be accompanied by a need to conserve money for the time being, since I will not be paid again until October and there will, of course, be costs in the meantime. The coming of Michelle means that my existing daughters may well get new brothers or sisters in the not so distant future. And dare I mention the �M� word?
I think the main message is that � given Michelle�s age � it is better to plan a new family sooner rather than later. Incidentally, her birthday is on March 5th, the same day as my late father.
The turnaround will also provide a respite from the doom and gloom in the UK which has experienced wage stagnation since 2008, and a whole list of �forever problems� such as housing and job insecurity which would deter me from even dreaming of starting a new family in the UK at all. Until longer term plans come to fruition, I will bring Michelle to China with me � and I will help her to get through the inevitable culture shock she will experience.
But it is the launch of my book which will truly stand out as a statement of intent. Unsurprisingly, I give short shrift to those who say I am brave to start a new family at my age. Since when has conforming to stereotypes been part of my philosophy?
As usual I need to conserve my resources for the time being � the new academic year is just around the corner and there will not be an opportunity to visit Michelle�s family until at least Chinese New Year (February 17th in 2026 � Chinese New Year is set by the lunar calendar) � but inevitably, I will be meeting her family at the earliest opportunity.
Michelle is from the Fulani people who are widely dispersed around central and Western Africa, although most of her relatives are from Cameroon � and there are a lot of them since they have large extended families! And since they typically marry distant cousins, I am not exactly the kind of man they are used to being introduced to as a fiancee.
But the rigours of an international life did not prevent me from working in China, nor will it prevent me from taking the family in a new direction.
I think it is fair to say that the family is quite doomed unless radical changes take place. I refuse to fall for the same trap as my mother before me � her care home costs are in excess of �3500 per month; and the cost of living in the UK � particularly housing � would condemn us to raising children in poverty were we to live there. I see Africa � and my role in education � as the future, once the plans come to fruition. Clearly, I am no stranger to controversy � but make no mistake, these changes represent a big turnaround for the family; I am now head of the family, and I intend to be remembered as the one who gave it a new beginning; someone needs to stop the rot and I intend to be the one to do it.
And a word of warning. I will come down like a ton of bricks on anyone who gets in the way. Ignore this at your peril.
In my life, regime change doesn't just happen. It happens because I have reached a tipping point; it happens because something is seriously wrong. And when it happens, it can be very disruptive, and what's more, it will be non-negotiable.
As I mentioned, it is never safe to assume that a man has lost the desire to begin a family until at least the end of his 50s. For me, it never went very far. So, will family life make a comeback? I think it will.